Nerd Morph 2.0
Posted: January 26, 2012 Filed under: School Leave a comment »
While having my transcripts evaluated at my top-pick med school this morning, the Assistant Director of Admissions:
1) Praised the science coursework and field experience listed
2) Laughed (with me, not at me?) when she saw all of the English Major B.A. classes, observing, “You weren’t thinking about this path at all when you were an undergrad, were you?”
So I traded in my Norton Anthologies for Chemistry Textbooks… Thankfully, I’m still guaranteed a top spot in line for thrashing nerd wallops on the playground during recess.
Weight Gain
Posted: January 9, 2012 Filed under: School | Tags: bookstore, chemistry, clicker, college, iclicker, physics, textbook Leave a comment »Since December, I’ve gained exactly 20 lbs.
And despite all of the cookies mentioned in previous posts, none of it is around the thighs or midriff. If you want to see my dense new burden, just check my backpack.
You'll miss your back when it's gone
Here’s what exactly 20 lbs (and hundreds of borrowed dollars) of spring textbooks look like. I’m especially thrilled about the “iClicker.” You may be asking yourself, “What is this marvelous invention?” It has a lower-case “i” in front of it; surely it must be cool.
Sorry, folks. Classroom “clickers” are a fun, new way for professors to add stress to their students’ lives and reduce work for themselves. Rather than use the archaic process of circling answers on a test or raising your hand to respond to a question in class, students now have the added step of entering their answers on the clicker remote so that professors can see instantly who is wrong.
It’s especially fun when he/she publishes the results, including names, for everyone to see.
If using a clicker on a test for the first time, make sure to set aside a minimum of 5-10 minutes at the end to enter your answers so that the professor doesn’t have to actually grade your test. If you neglect this step, you will receive a zero for the exam.
What’s that? You wanted to use all of the class time to focus on the content of the test? Tough. Reality bites and not everyone gets a trophy. I’m not bitter, really.
Up For a Challenge
Posted: December 31, 2011 Filed under: Random | Tags: attitude, goal, hobby, new, resolution, years Leave a comment »
With only a few hours until the start of 2012, it seems an ideal moment for some self-reflection. How were the last twelve months of your life? Like me, did you consume your weight in performance gels?
For many of us, a new year symbolically represents a fresh start and a chance for some much-needed goal setting. I’ve never been good at keeping resolutions but here’s my valiant personal objective for the new year: to quit calling bullocks on things that make other people happy.
It’s going to be a challenging habit to break as it has sadly become second nature for me. Some of my favorite targets to chastise include: American football, triathlons, road bikes other than Cervelos, dudes walking little toy dogs, SUVs with only one person inside, Ugg boots and iPhones.
Like most critics, I’ve been coming from a place of grandiose, self-proclaimed superiority with no genuine content to back it up. How did this happen and, more importantly, how foolish have I appeared when vocalizing my poor attitude? It was not until I noticed a lovely, anonymous friend indulging in this behavior that I realized that I was absolutely no better.
Folks enjoying these things don’t hurt me in the least.
Often they’re smiling or at least appear to be generally content with their lot in life. They collect their tiny canine turds from the ground, pleased as punch. They veer oblivious into various lanes of traffic and neglect red lights without a second thought. They yak up their Power Bars on street corners as they martyr through mile twelve-hundred-and-seventeen in their Ironman run. And really, this does not impede my day one iota.
Why then do I take personal offense to their self-satisfying habits?
In the coming months I will try harder, world, to be less of a curmudgeon and more of an optimist! Okay, wait, let’s be realistic… how about I will try harder to keep my negative – albeit astute and poignant – observations to myself and instead smile obligingly the next time my BFF starts raving yet again about the wondrous and enthralling miracle that is American football.
Ever Wonder…
Posted: December 25, 2011 Filed under: Random | Tags: Christmas, cookie, deinonychus, jurassic, park, velociraptor 2 Comments »… what nerds do on Christmas?
Make Velocicookies, of course!
Technically, it’s a Deinonychus – the basis for the “velociraptor” in Jurassic Park. True velociraptors were smaller and less fierce than these beefed-up cousins.
Some cool things to know about Deinonychus:
- Greek for “terrible claw”
- About 12 ft long and 150 lbs
- Inspired the theory that birds descended from dinosaurs and was likely feathered
- Yummy!
Things To Do With Your Finger
Posted: December 20, 2011 Filed under: Random | Tags: buttons, interface, iPhone, self check out, suck, touch screen, touchscreen Leave a comment »I loathe touch interface.
Strangers often witness this when I hurl expletives at automated self-check-out stations in grocery stores.
While firmly in the minority, I do not believe I am alone in this opinion. Whether using a cell phone, an ATM or a ticket kiosk, touch screen interface can be an abyssal experience even for a Millennial.
It’s not that this is new or complex technology – I can recall touch screens being around for most of my life and simplicity is the point. My frustration doesn’t stem from inexperience but rather from imprecision.
Hear me out, iPhone slaves.
Look down at your index fingertip. How large is it? Mine is nearly 20mm if I measure around from the lateral to medial side of my fingerprint. And yes, I realize you don’t apply the entire pad of your fingertip when using a touchscreen but compared to the tip of a pen or pencil, that’s huge in interface terms.
Do you remember using giant safety crayons in pre-school or perhaps at your last board meeting? They’re bulky and produce fat, cumbersome chunks of color. Super if you’re coloring in a Denny’s menu at 2:30am but not so much if you’re trying to “type” an email reply. That’s how I feel each time I use a touchscreen.
The lack of precision is not my only grief with touchscreens. It can be difficult to navigate handheld touchscreen devices one-handed. Their design assumes that you will be holding it with one hand while touching the screen with the other. If you are holding a briefcase or cup of coffee, forget it. And because touchscreen handheld devices require a large screen in order to navigate, they must be larger than their buttoned counterparts.
Do you enjoy carrying a brick in your back pocket?
Another thing to consider is where your finger has been. And no, I don’t want to know. You’re human, enough said. For example, I can see the substantial advantages of having a tablet PC accessible to clinicians but using a finger touchscreen interface in a healthcare environment would only work if you’re into disease transmission.
And finally, there’s no feedback from touchscreen devices. With an old-school mp3 player, I can reach into my pocket – without looking – and skip forward, backward etc. in an instant. When I feel the button depress, I know the desired outcome will result. With touchscreen devices, I miss the precise, tactile feedback provided by a button. I can do many things with my buttoned handheld device sight unseen – text, dial etc. – and that would be impossible with a touchscreen interface.
If you love your touchscreen, so be it. I’m not looking to change your mind but rather plant the idea that they’re not the end-all-be-all, nor should they be. Product diversity is like people diversity: it makes for a more interesting world. I will continue to hate on your imprecise, precious iPhone and you may continue to snub my archaic - albeit superior - buttons.
Brain Pain
Posted: December 13, 2011 Filed under: School | Tags: ACS, american chemical society, brain, chemistry, school 1 Comment »
Is it possible to have a brain hangover? If you know of any eager grad students, send them my way as I would like to propose a study.
The ACS final was as tough as everyone expected. My prof shared that he didn’t look over the test before distribution because he already knew what we’d be up against.
I’m a bit useless today other than as a consumer of bread bowl soup and coffee.
The good news: it’s done! Bring on the celebratory holiday cookies!
Happy Happy Joy Joy!
Posted: December 11, 2011 Filed under: School Leave a comment »
Tomorrow is my last – and worst – final of the semester: the dreaded ACS. Like chanting “bloody mary” into a bathroom mirror in the dark, you can make a chemistry student shudder from hundreds of miles away just by manifesting that acronym.
The good news is that I should be posting more frequently during the holiday break. I know you must be excited for some new blog content! The general rule of thumb is the slimmer the posts, the more hectic the semester.
Here are some effective personal test strategies I’ve applied this semester:
- I tried using ear plugs during exams and I really like it
- A sugar boost 15 min before the test begins does a body good
- If I wear a swimsuit under my clothes it absorbs my test sweat ::gross::, prompting me to swim out my exam stress after it’s over
- Whatever song is playing in the car as I drive to school will loop in my head throughout the exam – last time it was Princess of China. I’m open to suggestions for tomorrow.
Here’s a disturbing photo for you to consider until finals are over:
The Allen Test
Posted: November 29, 2011 Filed under: Random | Tags: allen, furniture, IKEA, relationship, test, wrench 1 Comment »
Insert Barrel Here
Whether you have been married for decades, are thinking of tying the knot, would consider getting a place together or are newly dating, there is an infallible test to gauge the strength and/or potential of your relationship: the IKEA Allen Wrench Test.
If you have never experienced the pure joy of piecing together an IKEA purchase, you have not yet lived. The instructions are infamously ambiguous and while available in many obscure languages, rely primarily on vague graphic sketches like these.
In nearly every kit requiring assembly, a tiny Allen Wrench is included. Depending on the frustration level experienced in said project, the wrench may also be used as a projectile, a meatball skewer or a tool of negligible blunt force trauma.
If you and your significant other (S.O.) are able to successfully assemble the project without yelling, directing profanity at one another or insulting his/her inferior genetic makeup, you are truly meant to be. If said project leaves you both smiling and experiencing extreme satisfaction in your efficient handiness, check both yourself and your S.O. for a belly button as your DNA is likely not human.
‘Tis the Season…
Posted: November 28, 2011 Filed under: Random | Tags: quorn, spring, Thanksgiving, training, vegetarian, winter 2 Comments »…. to embrace gluttony!
Indulging in any of the seven deadly sins may prove fatal if not accompanied by moderation but many of the best things in life come with similar warning labels. What would firecrackers be without stickers outlining the potential for maiming or losing a limb?
In a bicycling magazine last year, I recall reading a winter training article instructing riders to essentially get fat. I can’t remember exactly why we were supposed to pack on the chub pounds – perhaps something about the gratification of losing it again come spring - but I am not about to argue with anyone who tells me to go eat.
I love that America created a holiday to celebrate the act and have proclaimed the day of gluttony a national tradition. But what’s a holiday without a little subversion?
The pilgrims didn’t actually have turkey on Thanksgiving and neither do I. Enter :: drum roll please:: the Quorn Roast!
I have been a vegetarian for about seven years and I wish that I could say that I gave up meat for personal ethics or ecology. While those have been nice perks, I stopped eating meat because the post-consumption effects were similar to putting diesel in a jet engine: it didn’t work.
There are multiple vegetarians in my family and I recall one humorous dinner when a family friend prepared Thanksgiving for us featuring raw tofu cut into turkey shapes with a cookie cutter. A valiant effort from a hearty Texan, truly.
While many meat alternatives use frightening chemicals best left in the biological weapons lab, the Brits have come up with a tasty, natural product in their Quorn roast. Somehow made from fungi and the use of a magic wand in a mythical forest, this is my go-to entree on holidays. Don’t judge my mushroom loaf: I use my haters as motivators.
Alright, people. We have one month left of holiday decadence before the new year – and a fresh training season – begins. Yes, you should have that third cookie. And yes, off course you should have a second dinner – why would the gods have created butter if we weren’t to put a stick of it in our mashed potatoes?
Eat, drink and be merry now because tomorrow, we ride.
Out With the New, In With The Old
Posted: November 12, 2011 Filed under: Random Leave a comment »Organic Farmers’ Markets 
Bike Commuting
Cloth Diapers
Holistic Medicine
In this age of tablet PCs, social media, ubiquitous connectivity and instant gratification, it is fascinating to follow a developing social undercurrent that is moving towards the adaptation of old-school practices. While we could discuss at length the pendulum-like nature of most consumer trends and the resonance of Going Green, I’ve personally been more captivated of late by the implications this new zeitgeist could mean for interpersonal connections.
While the internet has allowed international interconnection to be a foregone conclusion for those with ISP access, are we truly more connected or just increasingly connected to people we don’t really know?
Study results vary, but the general consensus concludes that about 80% of communication processed by the human brain is nonverbal. While photos and video chats could arguably supply some of these essential nonverbal cues, much of internet communication is written. It should therefore come as no surprise that some of what we relay through social media, web chatting, text messaging etc. is lost in translation – or worse.
Thanks to the quirky nature of the universe, I’ve recently reconnected with some of my oldest friends. And no, it wasn’t through Facebook – it’s nearly 2012 and my boycott stands strong. Instead, I used that old, archaic “call” button on my phone and *tada*, it worked!
While there are many clever sayings embroidered on pillows and gilded greeting cards describing the nature of friendship in heartwarming prose, truly there are few things more nourishing to the human spirit than a close friend. Old friends know who you were and remind you of your roots when you need a hefty serving of humble pie. Their laughter and sympathy can help you discover resilience when facing your worst mistakes. Their encouragement can give you the dose of confidence you need to pursue a new dream or overcome a stifling fear. Through their insight, you are better able to see yourself and often the world around you.
Thank you, friends, for always challenging me, teaching me by example and making me laugh until it hurts. You make being human a very good thing.
